My husband and I were having a rare date together, and sitting at the table beside us was a group of people younger than us. The conversation fascinated me because I couldn’t understand some of it. Context clues weren’t helping a whole lot, either, because the people at the table already knew what the colloquialisms meant, so everything they said left little for me to grasp, and I, the eavesdropper, felt so not…with it.
I’ll just interject here for a moment of honesty–even as a younger person, I didn’t know all the “cool” lingo, either. I was a geek-chic island. And this was before geek-chic was a Thing to be. I’m not going to say I made it cool, buuuuuutttt…. No, I didn’t.
As I wondered what in the world these phrases could mean, I started to laugh. Husband looked at me like I covered myself in purple polka dots, so I had to tell him my thoughts. He laughed, too, which was when I made a decision. From here on out, (translation: until I get bored with it) I will be sharing MY meanings of current sayings with you via – COMIC STRIPS! (Or, in this particular case, a comic “block” because this first one is just one biggo rectangle.) I call them MEAnings! (Get it! Because I’m MEA and this is my definition of these phrases or words. Never mind. You got it.)
So here is MEA…
And the next blog post will be a MEAnings one. I hope y’all laugh a little!
I could tell you Everything from even before my last post, really the last two and a half years, every excruciating detail that has brought me to now, a Strange, New Thing typing this post, but…
your speculations are probably more spectacular than the truth.
And I’ve worked so hard to figure out where some big, bad things fit into my life, I don’t really want to rehash them all. My emotions might explode and get into your pretty hair.
So, I’ll sum up in a less aggressive way-bullet points!
A very important person in my life made a terrible and uncharacteristic decision. It hurt so many people and cause him great guilt and regret, ultimately leading to his depression and suicide. The suicide happened before we could reconcile. I was 31 weeks pregnant during his funeral. It sucked a lot.
After giving birth, I had postpartum depression. Again. It sucked a lot.
I was in an unhealthy job situation that, in combination with the above, sucked a lot.
Two and a half years later, I think I may possibly be able to get back out in the world because of the next few bullet points.
Strangely, forgiving him wasn’t the biggest issue for me. It was that I didn’t tell him I didn’t hate him as he assumed I did. I was just so. So. Sad. I have come to a “place” where I can forgive myself more every day and grieve properly with each allowance.
I’ve been back on the medication that helps me deal with postpartum depression for a long while now. Actually, I believe I’m finally in a spot where I can try getting off of them again, which thrills me.
I have a new, positive work environment and I like to go there, to be a part of the “team”. I didn’t know how bad the previous situation was until I experienced something different. I make less money, but can I just tell you Folks that quality of life is worth a million rubies?
So, I’m getting back on track. It actually started at the end of July 2016, but I was embarrassed to tell you all publicly. What if I wasn’t “fixed”? What if nobody told me I had crazy in my teeth? I’ve had a few months of pleasant days now, though, and I feel more…resolved, maybe? That might be the right word.
The next set of bullet points are things I’ve learned going through this mess:
Experience your emotions. Don’t hide them away.
Write it out to understand better.
Keep hold of your joy.
Live the best you can.
I’m feeling good about 2017. I truly hope you are, too.